To fear or not to fear...that is the question!!

When something wonderful comes into your life unexpectedly do you stop to analyze and think with your head or do you follow you heart and give it a shot? Sometimes we as people fear the unknown. I was watching "Joyce Meyer" one morning and she said something that just stuck with me. She said that sometimes we are afraid to make decisions because we dont have a "blueprint" of how its going to turn out. Boy did that hit home! It is so true, especially when one has had their share of mountains and valleys. But we just have to have faith that GOD has a plan.

Ive learned some incredible lessons in my life. I've learned that there are very few people on this earth that I trust. And I am eternally thankful for a God who is there through thick and then. People let you down. They take you for granted. Use you for what they can get from you and discard you like yesterdays trash. But my God is my strength. My present help in the time of trouble. My Rock and shield. My all in all. The Lord is the strength of my life, whom shall I fear??

Is your season up?

Funny how people pretend to be your friends. How do you say "I love you" to a friend and then alienate them when they are going through a difficult time. I want to look at them so bad and say "thanks for being there for me, I really needed that" (Sarcasm) But we must realize that all people were not brought into our lives for a lifetime. Some are here for a season. The sooner we understand that the better. My problem is, I expect people to be like me. Whenever one of my friends needs me I am there. Sometimes to lend a hand, sometimes to lend an ear but always there. I am thankful for those true friends and my wonderful family. They are what makes for a fulfilling life.

Thank you God for placing special, unforgettable people in my life. And thank you for taking those away whose season is up. I am smart enough to decipher the difference.

In the midst

It hurts! There really is no other explanation. Good days are good, Bad days are horrible. Sitting here with the tears rolling down my face. Its easy to put up a good front when you are out amongst others. But sitting home...alone...with the pain is the difficult part. I know it will be ok. I will. Still hurts though...

A peaceful place

I love the rain. Its pouring outside right now. The rain symbolizes multiple things for me. #1: It's God's way of making sure things keep growing and are nurtured. #2 : It washes away all the crud and mess. I could apply both these things to my life. God is allowing me to grow in multiple ways....in my christian life, in my career, and in my personal life. He is also washing away the crud.....my pain, my insecurities, and my inability to trust. It is not easy! Let me begin by saying that. But, I will NOT give up. I have God on my side and he will not allow anything in my life without equipping me to go through it.

It is funny the things we think of when we are going through difficult times. I often tell my friends how much I miss my maternal grandparents who are deceased. My Grandfather passed when I was 11. He was such a wonderful person. I would have loved to spend time with him during my adult life. He was wise and I know that I had much to learn from him. If only I had the ability to talk to him, I may not have made some of the decisions I had. I am thankful however, for the time I had with both of them. The lessons I learned were indeed valuable. They had a beautiful, long marriage. One of devotion and commitment. One where God was the head. I have longed for such a marriage. This has escaped me once again. But I will not look upon it as a failure for I did what I could. I did my part. As I am consistently reminded, it takes two.

As I venture on this new chapter of my life, God is with me. He will guide me for there is no other who can. "When you have nothing else, you quickly find out that God is all you need"! I am at peace.

God's distractions

I am totally exhausted, but still pushing. A new promotion has me busting my butt! But then again, what else is new. :0) I am so thankful for the distraction. God is good about dropping distractions into our lives. I think its his way of saying, you take care of that and let me take care of this. We so often pray about our problems and "turn them over to God". Yet we continue to attempt to"fix" it ourselves. Well I say, focus on the distraction and let God focus on the problems. Remember to Let Go, and Let God. I didn't say that it would be easy; it never is. But what good will worrying about it do? Life has its ups and downs my friends, but remember that it is what we make it. So don't get bogged down in your sorrows, for God has blessed you immensely in so many ways. Just think about it and commit to seeking the positive!

Lord willing, I will celebrate another birthday this month. As I approach the day it has made me think about so many things in my past. I think that there are milestones. Sweet 16...yeah! I thought I knew it all and in reality I had NO idea what the hell was going on around me. 21...Legal! and Making some of the craziest decisions in my life. 30...OMG...Im getting old. But with age comes wisdom. And now as I turn 37 I must say, I am wiser than I was before. I feel like I grew up so fast (result of getting married so young) that I missed out on so much. But I am thankful for the woman I am today. My past had something to do with that so.....with that said, Happy Birthday to me...each day gets better and better!

Sunshine at last

Does God have a sense of humor? I think yes. The twists and turns of life can lead you down an unbelievable journey. Often times we make mistakes along the way, but sometimes God gives us another shot. Another chance to explore happiness. Question is: are we bold enough to allow the changes in our life or will we allow fear to overrule the possibility of happiness. I tell myself, "Breathe Kini, take it all in stride. Proceed with Caution but do not stop, keep moving. Your breakthrough could be just around the corner"

Sometimes we have to struggle to succeed. Just think of the butterfly. When attempting to emerge from the cocoon it must struggle and fight, but once it has emerged it is stronger and ready to take on the world. Maybe we are like the butterfly. We have to struggle and fight when going through our trials but those struggles allow us to grow with God. Eventually we emerge stronger than when we first began. God is great and knows best. Thus, I say thank you for my struggles, thank you for the tears, thank you for the pain...for it has made me a stronger woman, Now I can revel in the sunshine.

A friend told me once that someone special in his life told him that when you feel like you come to the end of your rope, just tie a knot and hang on. Now at that point I did not know Franklin Roosevelt had once quoted the same words. Well, I'm hanging!! And really thankful for that knot right :)

Life constantly throws us curve balls. I think what defines us is how we handle them. I haven't always handled them the best way, but I'm learning. God is my strength. I'm putting this stuff in his hands and allowing him to deal with it. He can handle it better than I ever could! He loves me, in spite of my flaws and bestows his grace and mercy daily. For this I am thankful!

God is my refuge! In him will I trust.